2:15 AM - Saturday, December 11, 2010
Decision making is seriously hard.
I've to consider this that this that, and myself.
How I'm feeling now, I don't know.
The decision is already made, no point regretting.
Maybe, I'm feeling happy, afraid.
I'm happy with the decision I made, but I'm afraid, maybe I make a wrong one?
I don't know.
Seriously, you're really a great great great person.
Sweet, caring, thoughtful, understanding, all the postitive points.
So whats wrong?
Maybe, yes, I mind your past. I'm afraid.
Maybe you showed all your postitive points to get me sitting on a top of a deep hole.
Making me decide if I should jump in or get down.
I don't know whats below this deep hole.
Probably its full of great things awaiting for me, or maybe its just an empty hole and it would be hurting again.
But now I fell into it even without knowing whats gonna happen.
I fell into it before, and that deep hole caused me so much pain.
I really dont wanna experience that again.
Yes, I'm happy that you're here.
You claimed that this time you're really serious.
I tried to believe, but its hard.
What if all this was just an act?
I'm always thinking.
Because I'm not like them.
I don't dress like them, I don't have what it got to be like them.
They dress prettily, they are pretty, they got what it takes to be a girl.
I'm noisy, I dont act like a girl. With a skin like mine, sometimes its just too embarrassing to show them off. I'm not as tall as them either.
Basically, I've nothing special.
Probably, because I'm naive, you're using me.
You used words like 'Forever , Eternity'
I'm sorry, but in my dictionary, these words are just lies to assure yourself that nothing's gonna happen.
There's no such thing as Forever. People come and go.
Family will leave you someday, Bestfriends will leave you, friends will leave you, your lover will leave you.
To promise this, its gonna take me a longer time to relieve my hurt after you leave someday.
And you probably said this a 100 time, but you didnt see it happening too, did you?
I'm sorry, I think I'm thinking too much again. Bye.
