2:27 AM - Saturday, December 11, 2010
Girlgirl, I'm seriously seriously seriously missing you a lot. ):
After Jordan left, Michelle left, and then YOU!
And there I snapped.
I often wonder, was it because I'm not good enough.
What was it that I did that cause me to lose all of you.
For these months, I prayed for Jordan to come back.
He didnt in the end.
And it was because of me that he left.
Because I was always thinking too much.
I tried my best to not think.
Then Michelle left.
I felt that I wasnt good enough.
Maybe its just between my mum and her.
But sometimes, I feel that it was me.
If I helped out in paying, instead of spending my salary away, probably she would stay.
And You.
The feeling isnt nice.
This time, the problem lies with me.
I didnt hit your expectation as a bestfriend.
I dont know what you really want.
It was selfish of me to think that I could help bring the both of you back together.
I didnt went to think of how you felt. Sorry.
I'm really thinking alot these few months.
But after you left, it became worst.
Other than you, I didnt have anyone else to talk to.
None could be trusted. Only you.
Without you, sometimes I'd feel empty.
I even dreamt that we're talking as usual.
On your bed. You cooking fried rice for me. Sleeping together.
Everything was my fault.
I dont know how to think.
I'm not perfect.
And caused my love ones to leave me.
This time, I really dont want to think anymore.
I wanna be positive. I'm trying.
